abNormal

I can't recall now whether it's from Young Frankenstein, or The Man with Two Brains, but one of those movies has a scene where the mad scientist quizzes Igor about where he got the the brain that was used in the experiement.The answer is that the brain came from "Abby." "Abby who?" asks the scientist. "Abby Normal." Back in junior high I had some friends who called me "Abby Normal", for reasons that shall remain unspoken, but let's just say that I've always felt a little different. Which is why it comes as a bit of a surprise to me how persistently my mind gropes toward a 'normal' life, and how frustrated I get when my expectations are dashed.
I construct this elaborate idea of what things should be like: everyone healthy, kids cheerful and obedient, myself well-dressed, house clean, meals planned....I could go on. It's not that any of these desires are problematic in themselves. The problem comes when I start feeling that this is the way things are 'supposed' to be, that I 'deserve' a certain set of circumstances. That feeling of entitlement is so insidious. What happens is that the details subvert the larger goals so I get caught up in the trivialities. But a clean house is important only insofar as it is a blessing to the people who live there. Obedient children are praiseworthy only to the extent that their behavior reflects hearts which desire to please God. Even good health is ultimately valuable only when it is viewed as a gift from God and displayed to His glory.
Whenever I am uncomfortable (physically or mentally), I spend a LOT of energy trying to fix that situation. I want more books, more schedules, new programs, new chore charts...as if the right system will finally turn me into the Happy Housewife. I'm always striving to get back to what I think should be the status quo, some kind of 'life balance', to echo all the women's magazines. But I have begun to ask myself if that is actually a very skewed approach to my life.
I'm groping for words here, but I'm trying to describe something a little beyond a mere acknowledgement that God allows and uses difficult circumstances.  Up till recently, I have viewed whatever unpleasantness I'm currently dealing with as an anomoly. I'm trying to get through today's crisis and 'get back to normal' (there's that word again.). But in truth, our lives do not consist primarily of smooth roads with occasional potholes. It's really mostly hard miles punctuated by brief, bright moments of rest. The up and down IS normal. Maybe if I could begin to embrace this I could stop trying so hard to fix things and have more resources to cope effectively with whatever the circumstances are. Deviations from the routine are not obstacles, but rather opportunities: to learn patience, to serve, to give love, to demonstrate humilty, to see anew that I am the branch and not the Vine.