Mistaken Identity

"He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: "Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.' But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner!' I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted." (Luke 18:9-14 ESV)

Before I had kids, I thought I was basically an ok person: prayed, went to church, not an adulterer or drug addict, etc. I knew intellectually that I needed God, and I think I was 'saved', in that I really did have faith in Christ. But true, recognizable change of heart took a long time to manifest (not to suggest that process is by any means complete).
I just didn't see how messed up I was. I was comparing myself to others and not to God. Even though I spent a lot of years feeling discontented and sometimes even depressed, I failed to see my unhappiness as symptomatic of my spiritual poverty and pride. I was still living in the belief that I could pretty much handle life on my own and just sort of call on God when I needed the Big Guns, to handle some situation I couldn't control.

Then...motherhood. A job far beyond my skills from the very first, but one which I could not run away from, nor escape from into a fat novel, nor delegate to someone else...I was stuck in a job that I felt was vitally important but I was totally inadequate to perform well. So I found myself looking to God for help on a daily basis. Scratch that: moment-by-moment basis.

On top of my lack of skill, I also started to realize how much the 'problem' behavior of my kids was really just my own issues in smaller packages. I want to teach my kids to be generous, compassionate, to love God and their neighbors. I guess I thought I could do that while retaining my selfishness, pride, greed, impatience, etc. But how can I expect them to share their toys if I am selfish with my time? How can I teach them patience if I get ticked off and yell when they don't hurry up? How can I teach them to be compassionate and gentle if I go around angry and defensive and demanding? The short answer is: I can't. I can't give them what I don't have. And I had already figured out that I didn't have it, the task was beyond my skill. The truth is, it takes Superpowers to love others as we say we want to, as we know we should. I do not have these powers in myself. So I realize again and again that I must rely on Christ in me to do this job.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Problem of Pain

So here I borrow from C.S. Lewis yet again. But really it did not start with him. People through all centuries, of all faiths, have wrestled with this in some form. In everyone's life there comes a point where we look around, at ourselves and others and wonder: why so much suffering? Why grief? Why evil? Where is God?
The classic atheist position, at least as presented against the Judeo-Christian God (the one I like to just call God, cuz He is the only one) goes something like this: if God is omnipotent, then He can stop evil. If He is all-good, then He must hate evil. And yet evil exists. Therefore, there must be no God, or He must not be the all-powerful, all-good deity the Bible presents. It just doesn't compute.
I have no intention of going into all the possible responses to that here, only two that have been meaningful to me.

1. The 'problem' as described above has a big hole in the middle that most people either fail to see or refuse to acknowledge. If there is no God, no Ultimate, no Truth, then whence our idea of good? Logically, if we are not made by God and for God, then we are purposeless accidents of natural, amoral processes. So 'good' really becomes a matter of personal preference, and thus Adolf Hitler's 'good' is no less valid than anyone else's. Of course there are counter-arguments to this point, but I personally find them intellectually, emotionally, and experientially unsatisfying.


2. For those of us who trust God, and the Bible in which He has revealed Himself, we trust that even evil can be used for good by our all-powerful, all-good Savior. Why do we trust? Blindly, against all reason? Do we turn our brains on standby when we go to church? No, and I could go on endlessly about that too. But the strongest most powerful evidence for me that God uses suffering for good is the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. This was perhaps arguably the most tragic event in human history: an innocent man, convicted in an illegal court on trumped-up charges brought against him by people he never harmed, was tortured, beaten, and executed in the most horrific way possible, by soldiers who mocked and stole from him as he died. Abandoned by his friends, humiliated, naked, in agony. But the point I want to make here is this: IT WAS USED FOR GOOD, for the good of the whole world and for ME personally. And if mere salvation from sin were not enough, consider that we have a God who understands quite well everything we suffer. Have you lost a child? God knows how that feels. Have you been treated unjustly? Do you feel alone? Like no one understands? Like no one is listening? Like everyone hates you? Are you in physical pain? In prison? God GETS IT. And He will use it.

Harmony

Me, with kids in lap and husband by side: Everything I care about fits right here on this couch.



Shane: Can we fit a couple guitars on here?

Pop Theology

I think there are really 2 kinds of people; the ones who see the vast and often cruel universe and think to themselves, "This is all we see, so this must be all there is." Then there are those (like me) who look at that same black space and think, "There must be more. There must be meaning."
To paraphrase C.S. Lewis (as usual), if the universe had no meaning, we should never have discovered that it had no meaning.

And now I will pretend to be 14 again and quote song lyrics.

Switchfoot "Stars"

Maybe I've been the problem, maybe I'm the one to blame.
But even when I turn it off and blame myself, the outcome feels the same.
I've been thinkin maybe I've been partly cloudy, maybe I'm the chance of rain,
Maybe I'm overcast, and maybe all my luck's washed down the drain...

I've been thinking 'bout everyone, everyone...you look so lonely...

But when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars,
I see someone else.
When I look at the stars,
the stars,
I feel like myself.

Stars lookin' at our planet, Watching entropy and pain,
And maybe start to wonder how the chaos in our lives could pass as sane...
I've been thinking 'bout the meaning of resistance, of a hope beyond my own,
And suddenly the infinite and penitent begin to look like home.

I've been thinking 'bout everyone, everyone, you look so empty...

But when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars,
I see someone else.

When I look at the stars,
the stars,
I feel like myself.

Everyone, everyone, we feel so lonely...
Everyone, yeah, everyone we feel so empty...

When I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars I feel like myself...
When I look at the stars, the stars
I see someone...


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone